Trying to use ESP on ESPN- Oct 13, 2010

BYU Cougar Cable Television Channel Selection Manager,

My name is David Heywood and I am a resident at Wymont apartments. I live with my wife and zero pets (pets are against the regs at Wymont, but one day we would eventually like to own a goldfish or a turtle). We enjoy our neighbors and the location of our apartment. Other than the weekly flooding we have experienced due to our sprinklers being strategically located inside our apartment, the grounds crew has done an excellent job landscaping the area. The apartment’s hot water heater works wonders and the oven performs its duties admirably.

I know you have more important things to do at BYU Cougar Cable than listen to me kumbaya about a newlywed’s apartment so let me cut to the chase.

Undoubtedly, you are a busy person. I don’t envy the challenge of combing through thousands of stations and networks to pare the final selection of BYU Cougar Cable programming options to a mere 38 channels. This Herculean task would likely throw mathematicians and game-theory strategist for a ride on the Tilt-a-Whirl. No doubt you carefully consider the audience of students and families that view your content. No doubt you must decide between tradeoffs as you wrestle with the decision of including the Food Network or the Cartoon Network, CSPAN or CNBC. The brain trust that you must have canvassed together only boggles the mind of a simpleton like me.

Which leads me to the purpose of this letter. I—or rather— my wife, would like to thank you for your efforts in securing the best available programming for Cougar Cable. Specifically, she would like to thank you for not including ESPN as a channel available to Wymont residents. In fact, leaving ESPN out of the mix is something of a mark of genius; this decision was at the level of a Rembrandt, or a da Vinci, or of that one guy on that one movie that counts all of the toothpicks in his head.

ESPN is the obvious choice for a sports channel on a cable network. ESPN showcases the best games, broadcasts the best sporting program and has the best on-air sports talent. But you stuck your thumb at convention and you chose to be different! Instead of ESPN or ESPN2, you chose ESPNU. Instead of a Fox Sports Regional or ESPN Classic, you chose CBS College Sports. You are the Steve Jobs , the independent film maker, the kid-who- never -had –any- friends- in- high -school -because –he- wore -Dockers -and -a shirt –and- tie –every- day -to -prepare –himself- for -the -business -world of the cable channel selection manager. People like you revolted against the French monarchy. People like you sailed across the ocean to find new routes the Orient. People like you invented astronaut ice cream.

So bravo for saying no to the best. Bravo for snubbing the most popular sports channel on the planet in favor of the “little guys.” Instead of Oklahoma vs. Texas on Saturday, we get Marshall vs. Louisiana Tech. Instead of the baseball playoffs, we get “Mid Atlantic Conference X’s and O’s with Jim Jergensmeyer.”

And my wife? Let’s just say, she gets much more time to the TV and a husband who watches a lot fewer sports programs; which is why she thanks you.

Sincerely,

The Heywoods