The ULTIMATE April Fools Joke

I have learned many things since being married to Dave. Some of these things include:

1. Costco is the greatest in all the land

2. Rock, paper, scissors can settle ANYTHING

3. Always keep one eye on your food during the prayer or the entire plate will have disappeared when you open your eyes.

However, perhaps one of the most important things I have learned since marrying Dave is the seriousness and importance of April Fools Day. This day is not a day to be taken casually or lightly, and you can bet that no Heywood ever forgets it. It’s a day bound by no rules and no regard for the feelings of others (it’s not personal, its business).

As such, one married in daughter-in-law must take precaution when treading on Heywood territory on this day. Last year April Fools came and went without too much damage, but I played my hand defensively, determined not to be “had” by anyone. This year, I had the perfect prank and I could not WAIT for April 1^st to get here.

See at the end of January (yes this is how far in advanced this prank was planned) Dave and I got a bit of news which both excited and terrified us. We saw this:

(I guess you could say this is an announcement )

After the novelty wore off and reality started to settle in and we really started to talk about the future the topic of when to tell our families came up. I was adamant about not telling ANYONE until at least 12 weeks so we looked at the calendar and April Fools was only 3 weeks after that time. Perfect. I could wait 15 weeks to tell people. Right? ( I ended up having to tell a couple of people. Like my mom, and my boss, and a couple of friends I had flaked out of so many times they would have thought I was a terrible friend.)

So I suffered the effects of morning sickness and all other un-pleasantries that come with pregnancy in silence. Luckily many of the Heywoods were out of the state for the worst part of the sickness, so I didn’t give myself away. Many times Dave would come to me and say, “ I just don’t think I can do it! I’m going to tell my mom (or Dad) on accident!” And so I used all power of manipulation, threatening , and persuasion to get him to keep his mouth shut!

Finally, the week before April Fools day came. We had almost made it.

And then it almost fell apart.

While out to dessert with Dave’s sister and Brother-in-law I blushed a deep shade of red when they questioned me about being pregnant. This questioning is fairly routine for them and they do it pretty much every time we see them. I was worried about it. And then, POOF, bright red! I tried to look away, Dave tried to change the subject, we both tried to joke about it. Finally the subject was dropped with no confession from me (I may have adamantly denied it...). But once we got in the car Dave told me it was SO obvious, it was ALL OVER MY FACE. Dang it. I had ruined it. After weighing the options we decided that for the sake of the joke we should call his sister and tell her the truth, get her in on the joke, and hopefully salvage some of our April Fools prank for Dave’s parents.

When we called her, she was already AT his parents’ house. So we COULDN’T tell her there! The damage was probably already done.

We were SURE the joke was up. I was in a shameful state of hysterics that night-all our hard work! All these secrets!

We decided we had to hope for the best. We schemed further and planned our exact answers with the perfect timing.

I took two days trying on every outfit in my closet to find the loosest, least conspicuous ensemble. I would be there for two days and needed not one but TWO outfits. I wore my sports bra and plucked my eye brows (this may not seem significant but I HATE plucking. I did it so in case they thought I looked different they might think it was because I had ACTUALLY trimmed those caterpillars above my eyes).

The blessed day arrived. And everything went according to plan. Even the hiccup of what happened at dessert the week before didn’t tip them off. Dave and my execution was perfect. April Fool’s Day had come back to the Heywoods. It took over an hour for even half of them to believe us. The rummaged through my purse (looking for pre natal vitamins) and went on our insurance website to try and confirm what we were saying. Dave and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. It was definitely worth the wait.

Only after I sent them a sound clip of the heartbeat we had recorded at the doctor’s office did everyone get on board.

And the best part was, we got to do it AGAIN at my parent’s house. J

So for all you doubters who insisted I wasn’t 15 weeks pregnant, I have provided a picture of me in NORMAL clothes below: (Ignore the fact I had just returned from the gym-gross!)