The ULTIMATE April Fools Joke

I have learned many things since being married to Dave. Some of these things include:

1. Costco is the greatest in all the land

2. Rock, paper, scissors can settle ANYTHING

3. Always keep one eye on your food during the prayer or the entire plate will have disappeared when you open your eyes.

However, perhaps one of the most important things I have learned since marrying Dave is the seriousness and importance of April Fools Day. This day is not a day to be taken casually or lightly, and you can bet that no Heywood ever forgets it. It’s a day bound by no rules and no regard for the feelings of others (it’s not personal, its business).

As such, one married in daughter-in-law must take precaution when treading on Heywood territory on this day. Last year April Fools came and went without too much damage, but I played my hand defensively, determined not to be “had” by anyone. This year, I had the perfect prank and I could not WAIT for April 1^st to get here.

See at the end of January (yes this is how far in advanced this prank was planned) Dave and I got a bit of news which both excited and terrified us. We saw this:

(I guess you could say this is an announcement )

After the novelty wore off and reality started to settle in and we really started to talk about the future the topic of when to tell our families came up. I was adamant about not telling ANYONE until at least 12 weeks so we looked at the calendar and April Fools was only 3 weeks after that time. Perfect. I could wait 15 weeks to tell people. Right? ( I ended up having to tell a couple of people. Like my mom, and my boss, and a couple of friends I had flaked out of so many times they would have thought I was a terrible friend.)

So I suffered the effects of morning sickness and all other un-pleasantries that come with pregnancy in silence. Luckily many of the Heywoods were out of the state for the worst part of the sickness, so I didn’t give myself away. Many times Dave would come to me and say, “ I just don’t think I can do it! I’m going to tell my mom (or Dad) on accident!” And so I used all power of manipulation, threatening , and persuasion to get him to keep his mouth shut!

Finally, the week before April Fools day came. We had almost made it.

And then it almost fell apart.

While out to dessert with Dave’s sister and Brother-in-law I blushed a deep shade of red when they questioned me about being pregnant. This questioning is fairly routine for them and they do it pretty much every time we see them. I was worried about it. And then, POOF, bright red! I tried to look away, Dave tried to change the subject, we both tried to joke about it. Finally the subject was dropped with no confession from me (I may have adamantly denied it...). But once we got in the car Dave told me it was SO obvious, it was ALL OVER MY FACE. Dang it. I had ruined it. After weighing the options we decided that for the sake of the joke we should call his sister and tell her the truth, get her in on the joke, and hopefully salvage some of our April Fools prank for Dave’s parents.

When we called her, she was already AT his parents’ house. So we COULDN’T tell her there! The damage was probably already done.

We were SURE the joke was up. I was in a shameful state of hysterics that night-all our hard work! All these secrets!

We decided we had to hope for the best. We schemed further and planned our exact answers with the perfect timing.

I took two days trying on every outfit in my closet to find the loosest, least conspicuous ensemble. I would be there for two days and needed not one but TWO outfits. I wore my sports bra and plucked my eye brows (this may not seem significant but I HATE plucking. I did it so in case they thought I looked different they might think it was because I had ACTUALLY trimmed those caterpillars above my eyes).

The blessed day arrived. And everything went according to plan. Even the hiccup of what happened at dessert the week before didn’t tip them off. Dave and my execution was perfect. April Fool’s Day had come back to the Heywoods. It took over an hour for even half of them to believe us. The rummaged through my purse (looking for pre natal vitamins) and went on our insurance website to try and confirm what we were saying. Dave and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. It was definitely worth the wait.

Only after I sent them a sound clip of the heartbeat we had recorded at the doctor’s office did everyone get on board.

And the best part was, we got to do it AGAIN at my parent’s house. J

So for all you doubters who insisted I wasn’t 15 weeks pregnant, I have provided a picture of me in NORMAL clothes below: (Ignore the fact I had just returned from the gym-gross!)

Panda, NJ, and Bob

Dave and I went to Panda Express of couple of weeks ago. We like Panda Express for quick Chinese for three reasons:

1. Orange Chicken is SO good.
2. We can order one meal with 3 entrees and split it for a dinner date of $6.99
3. I get to have my fortune told to me by a delicious cookie

But this post-believe it or not-is NOT about Panda Express. It’s about how I was inspired by a fortune cookie I unwrapped at Panda Express. See below:




I keep this fortune taped to the bottom of my computer screen at work. It’s a good reminder of what I hope to be, which got me thinking. My mission president in New Jersey believed in the power of positive affirmations. At the beginning of each transfer we had to write a list of 5-10 positive things about ourselves. These things didn’t necessarily have to be true at that moment, but the thought was that by saying them out loud every day (as part of companion study) these things would take hold in our brains and our subconscious actions would make them BECOME true.

So, in honor of Panda Express and my Mission President, I have written a handful of affirmations that perfectly illustrate my life at this moment-at least what I am working toward.

“I am productive and creative with my free time at work”
“I enjoy doing the dishes”
“I am finishing ‘The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet’ by the end of March”
“I tell my husband WHY I love him every day”
“I face the future with confidence and peace”
“I take joy in the little things in life”

In the words of Dr. Leo Marvin, “Baby Steps”

I Couldn't Help Myself

It’s no secret that I love books. I say “books” instead of “to read” because not only do I like to read, but I love to think, talk, and write about books in general. I started a book club this past fall to satiate my craving to talk about literature. We’re still working out the kinks (seeing as how I’ve never even attended another book club before) but we haven’t killed it yet.

Last month, we read “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society”, and lo and behold, one member of the book club brought (gluten free) POTATO PEEL PIE! It was so fun!

One of the things I love most about book club is the tangents we get on-about books. It doesn’t matter to me if we’re talking about books we hate:
My examples:

-The Great Gatsby. Yuck! And I’m an AMERICAN STUDIES MAJOR!
-The Handmaid’s Tale. I was warned and did not heed the counsel to stay away!
-Wicked. Yes, the book based on the popular Broadway show. Broadway does it SO much better!
-Girl with a Pearl Earring. I also watched the movie a couple years after reading the book thinking it would be better, it wasn’t.
-Their Eyes were watching God. Can’t explain my dislike, it just wasn’t good!

Or if we’re talking about memorable first lines (Just for fun I’ll let you guess what lines come from what books)

-“Last Night I dreamt I went to Manderly again”
-“Call me Ishmael”
- “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
-“Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in it’s own way”
-“ It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair”

Of course we talk about books we’ve read. I like to even talk about books I haven’t read (but probably should)

-1984
-Catcher in the Rye
-Pride and Prejudice
-Crime and Punishment
-Lord of the Flies
-Great Expectations
-The Chronicles of Narnia

Clearly even writing this blog post is more of a self-indulgence rather than something I think our blog readers are actually INTERESTED in reading. 

In short, I like books.

Failure

I am getting more than a little tired to looking at my super bowl commercial post. I keep hoping the blog with magically update itself with interesting stories from our lives. Of course, that would require that we actually lived interesting stories. Right now life is pretty routine. I go to work. Dave goes to school. In an effort to keep myself from stabbing my eyes out with my ball point pen at work I decided to try something new today. Dave and I talk a lot about keeping our lives in balance-something we are both desperately working on. I would make a list of 5 categories I want to balance and set at least one daily goal of how I can accomplish each one. I tried to make most of them things I could accomplish AT work. Here was today's list:

February 27, 2012
Emotional
-write in journal for 30 min
-write positive affirmations

Physical
-Bundle up and take a walk
-Find a good workout plan that I LOVE and am excited about
-Do Yoga

Spiritual
-Read in BOM
-FHE

Intellectual
-Reveiw Cobblestone topics for potential magazine article
-Read 2 articles in online newspaper

Social
-Figure out how to better befriend ______ _________
-Email a friend
-Email Celeste Peterson (Yes Celeste this is a shout out to you. Hopefully I'll get you that email soon!)

I did NONE of these things today (yet)*

Instead this is what I accomplished at work (besides my actual work):

Angry Birds

Facebook

Pinterest

Solitair

Wordfued

Email Dave (does NOT count as a social goal)

Text some family members (also does not count as being social)

Eat the treats at my desk

Bang my head on my desk

Walk all the way down to the warehouse where they have the filtered water, to fill up water bottle 2X

Text Dave and ask him why he isn't playing wordfued with me?

Download "Jane Eyre" onto my iphone for free

I guess today just wasn't my day....

*I lied, we did have FHE tonight.

Favorites

Wha???!!!! I know, don't have a heart attack- two posts in one week. But really, both of these are psuedo posts. We didn't have anything to say, so we just posted what was on our minds.

But, did anyone else notice that I'm posting about football and Dave posted about chocolate? What's wrong with this picture?

Okay, so without any more ado here are my favorite superbowl commercials that I've seen this year...



And

Give and then take right back...

Or, for you politically incorrect folks, Native American giver.

Or, for you folks from Heber, Indian Giver.

I found out tonight that Lizzie hates it when people do that.

The subject in question? A Symphony brownie from the BYU Creamery. (not actual picture. I found this picture on the internet and it actually looks nothing at all like the Symphony brownie that I gave to Liz, and then took back without really even thinking and without realizing the nature and extent of my action. )

Lesson Learned.

Valley of the Fun

Among our many New Year’s Resolutions (such as Dave making this Japanese meal and Lizzie making her own clarinet out of a turnip) is the resolve to take more pictures. We stopped taking pictures after Dave lost his camera river rafting in Moab with the Thomas adventurers. Since that time, we have been failblog.org at chronicling our second year of marriage together.

·         Thanksgiving combined with both families? No pictures.

·         Our second Christmas together? Zero photos.

·         Dinner at Tuscano’s with Dave’s law school study group after his first semester of final? Nada.

·         A poor, lost pheasant on the loose at my Grandpa’s house in suburban Mesa, Arizona? Ok, we did get a picture of that. We don’t miss the important stuff.

Because we don’t have any photos of our Christmas break vacation to Arizona, we’ll have to describe some of the images in words.  

Picture this:

Lizzie and Dave on opposite sides of the tennis court. Whoever wins gets to choose a movie to watch that night. Dave wanted to see Sherlock Holmes. Lizzie wanted to see some heartwarming story about animals. After exactly six games , Dave and Liz both enjoyed the movie We Bought A Zoo.

A small three par golf course built for an older retirement home community. Lizzie’s first time golfing EVER. Dave’s first time golfing since they got married. Average age of golfers on the golf course: 75. Average number of balls Dave sliced  in the direction of the Senior golfers on the course, necessitating a timid “Fore”: two per hole. Average number of Mormon curse words per hole? Our mother’s probably don’t want to know.

Lizzie and Dave ventured into a store called Last Chance in Phoenix to look for shoes. As Dave understands it, Last Chance is the third tier of Nordstrom dumping grounds. First, returns and unpopular items go back to Nordstrom and the department store tries to sell its goods off to unsuspecting wealthy first class types. Next, these marked goods go to Nordstrom Rack. This is for the type of people who typically fly coach. Finally, in one “Last Chance” to get rid of its wares, the Nordstrom company sends its rejected things to Last Chance for Greyhound Bus people like Liz and Dave to shop. And shop we did. Lizzie did not find the trendy trendy trendy boots she was looking for, but she did find a pair of Tom’s and some blue rain boots on sale. And Dave found a pair of shoes for $40 that typically retails for $230. Success!

Other highlights of the trip:

Dave's cousin's wedding, luncheon and reception. Congrats Kristalynn!

Family time with cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

Both Liz and Dave started playing Word Fued (a Scrabble-like game on their smart phones) with aunts, uncles, dad's, and cousins. At one time, Liz was playing seven people at a time!

Stopped at Pizza Hut in Flagstaff. This is becoming a tradition for Lizzie and Dave.

Both Lizzie and Dave were GLUED to the radio as we listened to a book on CD called The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Check it out from the library. Read or listen to it. And then call us to talk about it. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

-D&L